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Three legged dog...
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Dead dog at the vet...
A guy walks into his vet's office with his dog in his arms and says, "Doc! You gotta help me! Something's wrong with
my dog!"
The vet examines the dog and says, "I'm sorry sir, but your dog is dead."
The guy begs him to PLEASE help his dog! They go back and forth like this until the doctor finally says, "Wait here."
He returns a minute later with a cat. He puts the cat right up to the dog's face and nothing happens. Then he brings
in a Labrador Retriever. He puts the Lab right up to the dog's face and nothing happens.
The guy gets all teary eyed and says "I guess you're right, he is dead. What do I owe you?"
The doctor says, "$350. The guy says, "$350 to tell me my dog is dead?! Why so much?!"
The doctor says, "$50 for the exam, $150 for the cat scan, and $150 for the lab report."
A veterinarian goes to the doctor...
A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.
The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted
him: "Hey look, I'm a Vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions. I can tell what's wrong just by
looking." She smugly added, "Why can't you?"
The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said, "There
you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."
A dog on a safari...
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company.
One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices
a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The dog thinks, "Boy, I'm in deep doo doo now." Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately
settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims
loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the
trees.
"Whew", says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good
use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.
But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great
speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes
a deal for himself with the leopard.
The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen
to that conniving canine."
Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But
instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet.
And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey? I just can never trust him. I sent
him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!!"
The leopard ate the monkey.
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